Opening My Eyes

I've done so many awful things in my life. Things that have brought great shame and guilt to myself and my family. Things that I never thought I was capable of. Because of those huge mistakes, I have learned exactly what I'm made of.

I've discovered a strength in myself I never would have discovered. I've discovered a desire to stand up and defend those who maybe haven't discovered their own strength.

I have the capacity to care for people that society has deemed "unworthy." Maybe because I once believed I was unworthy. Maybe I am still one of those people that society would deem "unworthy," because society lacks compassion and the ability to forgive. But I know better.

I discovered my ability to SEE. To truly see things that many others haven't yet learned how to see. Maybe they haven't yet had to come face to face with their demons. Maybe their demons have never grown strong enough to overpower them. Their demons have never taken complete control of them. They haven't had to fight their demons so hard that they got the chance to build their inner strength and dig deep to find their will to overcome and survive. They haven't yet struggled to hold on to their last shred of hope.

Are they the lucky ones or am I? I guess it depends on who you ask.

I have been blessed in a way. While I would do so many things differently if given the chance, I don't believe I would be who I am today if I hadn't made those huge mistakes; if I hadn't succumbed to my demons.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes I'm not sure who I am. Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I stumble and fall and lay there in my own self pity for months. Sometimes my moodiness and depression show back up. It's usually brief. I'm an emotional person. Sometimes I question everything I think I know. But I see those times as an opportunity to keep growing, to keep asking myself important questions that prevents me from getting stuck for too long. I have to take the time to reflect.

Enlightenment is my desire. True, Spiritual Enlightenment. I'm on my way. If I can stay focused on the goal, I will get there.

I see things, as I've said. I see things differently than a lot of people. They can tell me that's wrong and that I'm completely wrong, but I know one thing for sure: the King of Enlightenment doesn't choose most. It is up to us to SEEK that Enlightenment, that knowledge. And most people have to go through some shit to truly see TRUTH. And I know that TRUTH isn't exactly what it seems. You have to go deep. It's not what you think you know, what you've been taught. It's so much bigger than that. Just open your eyes, your heart and your mind; you'll start to see it too.

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